They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
