At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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