her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I could make wine with my vomit
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
