I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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