Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
