I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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