If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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