Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am available for nakedness
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
