Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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