Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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