Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
