i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
