I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
