Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
