I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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