no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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