It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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