Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
