no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
