Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
