I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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