I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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