bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
