How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
