Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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