i think my tv is drunk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
