apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
