So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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