does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
