Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
