I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
