Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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