Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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