If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
