I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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