True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
