My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
