I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
