ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
