I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
