I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
