I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
