Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
