$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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