for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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