It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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