He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
