our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
