I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
