Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
