i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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