im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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