so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
