How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
