I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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