i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
