It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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