i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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