6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
