I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
