just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
