can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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