you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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