He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
