Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
