my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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