Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Vodka?
Forever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
