dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
